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Apr 09, 2008 - 4:46 PM - by Jimmors | A Tale of Two DEs
By Brian Sickler
DBZ reporter
Everyone loves tales, and this one is about 2 historic Defensive Ends in the NFL. The first of which had a career of 11 years in the NFL, in which he had an estimated 100 sacks (although some estimates put that number at 93), a season high of 17.5 sacks in one year, 1 career Interception, a 2 time All-Pro, 2 time All-AFC player, 2 time All-NFC player, 2 Superbowl Championships, and 4 time Pro Bowl selection.
The second Defensive End had a 15 year career in the NFL, 137.5 sacks, 8 career...[Read More] |
8 Replies | 479 Views  |  Stupor Bowl XLII Winners & Losers | |
Feb 04, 2008 - 3:57 PM - by onemanswarm | Winner: Eli Manning. It physically hurt me to type that. And I don't mean carpal tunnel or some literal shit. I'm talking deep, soul-crushing pain. Han-Solo-being-bent-over-Darth Vader's-torture-table, knowing-that-his-woman-is-getting-cornholed-by-an-Imperial-rapedroid kind of pain. Darth-Vader, thinking-the-same-thing-but-about-his-daughter, and-he-can't-show-his-emotion-because-he's-supposed-to-be-this hard-hearted, pipe-hittin' Sith-motherf*cker-and-he-just-can't-remember-how-to-stop-repressing-the-hurt kind of pain. You know. That kind? Anyway, nice game, Eli.
Winner: Tom...[Read More] | |
4 Replies | 496 Views | | The Championship Diarrhies (Part 1: SD @ NE) | |
Jan 22, 2008 - 2:21 PM - by onemanswarm | San Diego Chargers @ New England Patriots
1:48 p.m. (CST) I arrive at Paulie's, a local establishment specializing in the intoxication of sporting spectators. Seated beside me is my wife, proudly clad in a Green Bay Packers jersey. Yes, I married a Packer fan. It's her only major character flaw. Plus she's from Spread Eagle. You don't get a second chance at something like that.
2:01 CBS kicks off its broadcast with a football montage accompanied by some strange orchestra whose conductor looks exactly like Karl from Die Hard if he rose from the dead and reprised his role as the Maestro in The Money Pit. Yes, I referenced The Money Pit. It's...[Read More] | |
5 Replies | 401 Views | | The Championship Diarrhies (Part 2: NYG @ GB) | |
Jan 22, 2008 - 2:19 PM - by onemanswarm | New York Giants @ Green Bay Packers
5:11 p.m (CST) Fox is broadcasting their pregame show from Lambeau Field, even though the wind chill is witch tits. Howie Long kisses up to the crowd in an Elmer Fudd-inspired trapper hat, while Jimmy Johnson uses a headband to turn his hair into a silky gray umbrella. Curt Menefee eschews protective head gear, even though he has even less hair than Bradshaw. Speaking of Bradshaw, he sports a headband under his felt cap, a combination which makes him look old. Really old. Like, he looks like he's about to start talking to me about Quaker Oats and diabetes old.
5:35 Brett Favre takes the field, turning my wife's birth canal into a...[Read More] | |
1 Reply | 338 Views | | The Divisional Payoffs | |
Jan 15, 2008 - 9:31 AM - by onemanswarm | | Seattle Seahawks @ Green Bay Packers
The Hype: Holmgren and Hasselbeck head back to Lambeau to battle Coach Frogface and The Legendary Dust Balls.
Is that snow, or did Brett just ejaculate again?
The Result: The Packers won a blizzard blowout and are one home win away from the Super Bowl, a fact which compelled me to dry heave until there was nothing left but the bitter bile of Bear bankruptcy.
The Headline: Ryan, Grant Me the Serenity
Keys to the Whip:...[Read More] | |
3 Replies | 363 Views | | Wildcard Wecap | |
Jan 07, 2008 - 9:21 PM - by onemanswarm | Few weekends on the annual sports calendar can compete with the NFL Wildcard. After a grueling 17-week regular season, fans are finally treated to four do-or-die feuds which frequently offer football quality to match or surpass the divisional playoff games that follow. Sprinkle in some fantastic college basketball on Saturday, and you had better be sure to get your chores done early!
What follows is a recap of this weekend’s NFL action, listed chronologically so as not to upset the delicate AFC/NFC rotation. True to televised form, the action is frequently interrupted by short intermissions, wherein commercial sponsors are given their due. Where...[Read More] | |
0 Replies | 407 Views | | Shower Rankings - The Final Countdown | |
Jan 03, 2008 - 10:24 AM - by onemanswarm | Every Tuesday morning, I wake up an hour early so that I can sit on the floor of my shower and meditate on the current state of the NFL until the water runs cold. This morning, through the power of prayer, the following rankings were revealed to me:
1. New England Patriots (16-0): Tom Brady's numbers are enough to make a non-Patfan sick to his pants. 4,800 yards and 50 touchdowns. Fifty! With single-digit INT's, to boot. Whatanasshole.
2. Indianapolis Colts (13-3): Colts fans received their yearly angst injection, a reminder that their team is always just a broken pinkie away from Suckville,...[Read More] | |
5 Replies | 470 Views | | Shower Rankings - Week 17 | |
Dec 26, 2007 - 3:19 PM - by onemanswarm | Every Tuesday morning, I wake up an hour early so that I can sit on the floor of my shower and meditate on the current state of the NFL until the water runs cold. This morning, through the power of prayer, the following rankings were revealed to me:
1. New England Patriots (15-0): When I was ten, I went to the pet store with my mom. She accidentally stepped on an escaped goldfish, popping it with her high heels. I had repressed the memory of that sound until I heard it again on Sunday when Laurence Maroney repeatedly trampled the flailing 'phins.
...[Read More] | |
3 Replies | 429 Views | | 
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